Interview with Jess Goldey

Jess Goldey: My Turn to Win
interview by Jason Walsh

Though the hardcore scene has always been predominantly populated by guys, guitarist Jess Goldey of My Turn to Win has never let the fact that she is a woman slow her down. As a founding member of the Philadelphia based hardcore outfit, she has continued to prove herself as an accomplished guitarist and songwriter, and one of the driving forces that keeps the band always moving forward. Started in 2004 with frontman Dave Rosney, in what the band calls the "summer of positivity," My Turn to Win has released several demos, E.P.s, appeared on a couple compilations, and most recently released their first full-length, "Weight of the World" on Awake/Strong Records, while continuing to tear down venues along the East Coast.

The 23-year-old grew up in the Philadelphia area and is currently an Elementary Education major at Temple University. With the new year around the corner, My Turn to Win looks to do a U.S. tour as well as writing new material for a possible new release down the road. I had a chance to talk to Goldey about how she found hardcore, the origins of the band, and what it's like to be a woman guitarist in one of the most aggressive styles of music.


JW: What is it that drew you to hardcore? Where did you first discover that this was something for you?

JESS: I always liked Y100. That's what I listened to on the radio. Music wasn't really that big of a deal when I was little, but when I was in high school my friend who liked similar music that I did, like alternative stuff, would always wear H20 shirts to school. I was in like 8th grade and I was like "what style is this band H20?" It's like around when "Abstinence" was just coming out. I went home and I downloaded "One Life, One Chance" on my computer, on my 56K modem, and I was hooked from there. I went out and I bought the CD at the Wall or something, and I was just hooked. They've been my favorite band ever since and from that I started loving that kind of music and it just progressed into a whole chain reaction of things. I just loved it, loved everything about it. I played hockey too and this one kid I played with, he told me he used to fill in for Kid Dynamite, so I got into Kid Dynamite from him. He just kept giving me stuff, like Less Than Jake CDs and Suicide Machines and things like that. I know he really liked Madball, and I just started listening to a lot of similar stuff and it just progressed from there. As I got older, like in high school, I started going to shows with people I was friends with and it just blew up from there.

JW: What was it about hardcore music that spoke to you? It's a lot different than some of your standard different styles of music. It is a very aggressive style and what was it about that style that really spoke to you?

JESS: I just love that the songs are really real. I can relate to them, and especially with H20, everything is so positive but at the same time it's aggressive. It's so heartfelt that you don't listen to the music, you feel it. I've compared it to people who don't understand who aren't in this scene, trying to make the analogy, like when you're in your car and you're driving and you turn on the radio because you want something to listen to and you don't really think too much about that. You just turn it on and listen to it. But when I listen to something, I feel it. It's something that I feel and I get chills time and time again. It's just this awesome feeling that I haven't found anywhere else. It's awesome and addictive and everything that anybody could ever want in a music style, in a genre, or y'know, in a lifestyle. It's just amazing.

JW: What made you decide to pick up a guitar and start learning how to play?

JESS: It's kind of funny. When I was in high school, I guess I was a senior, my schedule got fucked up somehow and I had to go into my guidance counselor. They were like, "Oh, we're going to put you in this guitar class," and I was like "O.K.?" I really didn't have any ambition to play guitar, I never really thought about it before, and they put me in this class and honestly, we didn't do anything in there. They gave us these really shitty acoustic guitars and were like "well, here, we're going to teach you how to play," but they didn't really. It was just like the first year they had the class and it was just basically me teaching myself. I thought past it and I would teach them to myself and I grew addicted to this instrument. I was like, "I love this!" For my 16th or 17th birthday, I asked my Mom and Dad for a guitar and they gave me one and I just continued to teach myself. I never really thought of like being in an actual band. At that point I was like, "Aww...this would be awesome if that could happen." I never really expected it to and especially to the degree that it's gotten to. I never imagined to do something like that.

JW: So what kind of guitar did Mom and Dad get you?

JESS: It was a Fender American Strat. A teal color. Beautiful.

JW: Do you still have it?

JESS: I do still have it. I refuse to get rid of it even though I am totally broke. I have a strong attachment to sentimental things and it was my first guitar and we shared so many memories as corny as it sounds (laughs). I don't want to give it away, sell it for something, for money. It's not worth it. It still plays great. My best friend Dave, who sings in the band, he gave me Seymour Duncan Hot Rails pickups to put in it and it made it sound amazing. I still love it, I still play it, and I'm never going to get rid of it.

JW: Well, you can't. That would be ridiculous. One, it came from your parents and two, you laid a lot of blood into it. It's your first guitar.

JESS: Yeah!!! I tell people, "I'm broke, I have no money," and they're like "sell something," and I'm like "I don't really have anything to sell that's worth a decent amount of money except for my guitar." They're like, "why don't you sell it? You don't even play it at shows anymore," and I'm like "Hell, no! Get out of here! That means too much to me."

JW: What are you playing now?

JESS: Right now I have an ESP LTD. It's a Les Paul style guitar. It's got a black matte finish with gold trim and gold hardware. It's got EMG pickups and sounds really ballsy. It plays great. I love it so much.

JW: So, how did you hook up with the band? How did that come about for you?

JESS: Well, I started hanging out with Dave in 2004. He used to live at this house that did shows. There was a saying, like "Dave's Night," which was like every Wednesday I think, when people would just go over there and play games. I went one night and met him and we just totally clicked and hit it off and we started hanging out. He was talking about how he wanted to do this band and call it My Turn to Win, named after a Turning Point song. It was originally just him sitting in his boxers or something with an acoustic guitar. I don't even think Dave can play the guitar. It was just him messing around with an acoustic guitar by himself writing songs about positivity and safe sex and stuff like that, like super silly. I guess he wanted to make it a serious thing and I was like, "oh, I can play guitar somewhat," and at that time I was like, "I can't really play guitar all that well, but I'd be really interested." So, I guess through message boards and things, we found our other guitar player and bass player. Our first drummer, Chad, we just knew him, so he was in it, and it just went from there. We've been through a ton of lineup changes, I'm not even sure how many, in the four and a half years we've been a band. Dave and me are the original members from the start and he's my best friend in the whole wide world even though he gets on my nerves and I get on his, but that goes with any relationship, if you know somebody and you're that close with them.

JW: And that's part of being in a band.

JESS: Oh, definitely.

JW: You get a bunch of people together that may have like interests but there's always going to be issues.

JESS: Oh, no doubt. Being in a band is like being in a relationship, but with four other people and sometimes it's going to be difficult. But, whatever, you get through those times just like with any other friendship, relationship, family problem, y'know whatever. Relationships have problems and you work on them and you get over it. Big deal. At the end of the day, you aren't always kissing and making up.

JW: How's this stretch been being in this band? You said you've been doing this for four and a half years. Is it a lot of fun? Does it keep you motivated? What is the reason why you continue to do this?

JESS: There's a lot of reasons why. I guess I can't really pinpoint one. I mean it's fun for the most part. Right now, we have had a solid lineup for a year and a half. We recently went through a drummer change, but there's not even any bad blood between any of our ex-members or anything. It's just that they had to work and couldn't fit it into their schedule or other differences. It wasn't because we hated them or they were angry with us, it just couldn't work for them. I guess really everything does happen for a reason because right now I think we're all pretty much content with the lineup and everybody gets along really well. We're like a happy little family but sometimes we all hate each other, but that's normal. You know we have our quarrels and it's stressful sometimes. It really is all worth it just because playing shows and seeing kids I've never seen before in my life yelling in Dave's face lyrics that he wrote to songs that we all wrote together is awesome. It's an unbeatable feeling, something I never thought would ever, ever dream of happening. I don't even know how to describe it, the feeling I get from playing, being up there sweating, and giving as much as I can. At the end of the set, I feel so dead physically but never more alive. We do this because it's fun and it's what we want to do, and when it stops being fun, and the bad times outweigh the good, then that's when it's not going to happen anymore.

JW: In a style that's dominated by a lot of testosterone, what's it like being a woman playing guitar in a hardcore band?
JESS: I'm not going to lie. There's a lot of attention there, whether it's me or any other female in a hardcore band. A girl can't deny the fact that this world is "dominated" by dudes and you can't ignore that. You kind of just have to accept it and learn to live with it, but at the same time know that you're just as good as any of the dudes. I think it's important to just know that is always going to be there, at least now unless something changes. So, getting mad at something like that, because that's just the way it is, I don't know, I think that's just wasted energy. I think there's a lot of other things you can put you're energy into. The scene's dominated by dudes, like more guys play hockey than girls, something like that, you know what I mean. That's just a fact. That's just how it is, but how it affects me is, well, I don't know? I just want to be considered as an equal and I think that I am. I don't have the attitude like, "oh, I'm better than this dude or I'm better than this guy because I can do this and this and this and he can't." I just want to be like everybody else. I don't have the attitude of "oh, I'm better than him because I'm a girl and I can pull my own weight." Does that make sense?

JW: Yeah it does. Do you feel when you're playing with other bands that acceptance as a peer, and not treated differently because you are a woman? Do you feel that level of acceptance with others in the hardcore community?

JESS: For me personally, I feel accepted, that I've earned my place. I acknowledge that there are guys out there who look down upon girls being in what "dudes" activities are supposed to be. I don't have a better word for that. But I know there are guys out there that are like that, so I just keep that in mind but I don't let that bother me. I know that I hold my own just fine, playing in a band or whatever else. I don't care if a guy or girl wants to judge me for whatever. That's their own problem. If they like me then that's great, if not, I don't feel like I should waste my energy trying to change their opinion. I feel like I can definitely prove to people who think that girls shouldn't do this type of thing, I think I definitely prove them wrong. I've had a lot of girls come up to me and be like, "I want to do that. I want to be just like you." It's such a huge compliment and it's so flattering because I feel like I'm setting a good example. I'm always watching how I am acting, like what I say, especially to young girls who are saying these things and complimenting me. I hope that if I'm influencing them, that I'm saying and doing the right things in a positive way. There is such a thing as good attention and bad attention. There are girls out there that just go to shows who just stand in the back and hold their boyfriend's coats and things and just follow them around like a little puppy dog and they don't really care about the music even though they say they do. You know, like here today, gone tomorrow type of thing. There's so many girls like that, or dudes, doing it for the wrong reasons. Overall, I just want to make a good impression for these girls who say these things to me and I want to give them somebody to look up to and they'll be like, "y'know, I can do this. I can do whatever I want to do and not feel like I should be looked down upon by guys or anybody." Everybody should be able to do what they want to do. If they want to do it, there should be no reason why they can't, as long you are a strong person and follow what you want to do in your heart, there's no reason you should be shut down because people look down upon that sort of thing.

JW: Exactly, and good for you of being an advocate of that. That's the thing, I think all of us have been drawn to this music and this movement because it spoke to us and another thing, it is a sense of unity and coming together and family.

JESS: Exactly. We're all here for the same reasons, whether it's a guy or girl. It doesn't matter. We should all be considered as people here. There's not one gender that's better than the other. If you had your eyes shut and you couldn't tell who was up there on stage, it could be all girls, it could be all guys, you wouldn't know. Purple, gray, brown, black, green. It doesn't matter who you are or what you look like. Everybody should be considered equal and that's that.